I've just filled up a form to finalise my registration for a university admission talk on Saturday. About time I actually did something about my university choice but it's still too early to say. It wouldn't be the first time I applied for something but didn't go.
Well, it's still a good (but hopefully the last) start.
Shan't go on ranting about how difficult it is to choose a course, choose a university, choose a career. Shall rant about something more interesting. Army. Or more specifically, Brunei.
As much as I hated the idea of going overseas for training, leaving my civilian life behind for 3 straight weeks, I welcomed the change in environment for training. It was really getting boring, the training in Singapore, where we kept doing the same things over and over again. Which is the main reason I didn't want to stay in infantry. So thankfully, in Brunei, although we essentially did the usual, it was in a different terrain, perhaps more daunting, definitely more interesting.
And of course, there was the Jungle Confidence Course. We've heard all about it - the lack of food (only 1.5 days of food for the 9 days course), the hot scorching sun in the mornings, the cold, wet, lonely nights, the endless trekking up and down hills. But you don't live it till you experience it.
As always, the stories of those who overcame the course are, well, stories. It's human nature to fill stories with hyperbole, to make what you've experienced seem harder than it actually was, to make the course you've just been through seem more difficult and thus to make you seem better than what you actually are. Nobody is immune to this, but we have to take note not to exaggerate what we've been through. What we must take away from the course is not the stories but the lessons.
It's the experience, not the badge.
Superficially, this saying was prepared to console those who did not attain the badge. But as always, when you look at it at a deeper level, you find out that it is indeed true. In fact, I daresay those who did not get the badge has gained more from the course, simply because those who got the badge had their "gift of hindsight" blurred by the badge. On the other hand, those who did not get the badge had to look to draw life lessons from the course , to put it crudely, because they achieved nothing else from it.
So what were the lessons drawn from this course? It's really difficult to pen it down...the lessons I learnt weren't new. What I learnt merely reinforced what I believed in the past. Tough times bring out the bastard in everyone. And we cannot afford to forget that everyone includes you yourself. Neither can we afford to remember this only after the tough times has past.
During the shittiest moments, we often notice how another person is being a bastard (be it sitting down doing nothing while the rest gather firewood/build shelter or merely complaining and ranting on without doing anything to help) but we lack the ability to do something about it.
Leadership is being able to get that bastard to not be a bastard in that shittiest moments. You obviously can't just tell him or motivate him with words. You have to get up, get going and lead by example. But that alone probably wouldn't help much either. In conclusion, up till now, I really have to idea how to do it.
And that's also because I'm that bastard sometimes. Which is why I don't think I did well in JCC. Sure, I passed the test, I got the badge. But what I'd never forget and never regret are the times I sat down, telling myself I've pushed myself to the limit, waiting for the rest to build the shelter and collect the firewood. Or worse, the times when I know I've not pushed myself to the limit but sat down anyway, knowing that there would always be another person who would push himself to the limit and do it.
But no use regretting while I'm in the comfort of an armchair penning my thoughts. The real test would come, I'm not sure exactly when, but it is of paramount importance that I recognise when it comes, so I can overcome my selfish human nature and step up to triumph over the bastard in me.
That's my takeaway from the course. Definitely not the badge...
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indifferent
